Wednesday, February 5, 2014

praying through the silence

The sun was slowly rising to reveal the thick blanket of snow that had caused the school's 2 hour delay. Everyone was still sleeping and I enjoyed the longer than normal quiet morning.  I had my quiet time with a hot cup of coffee and my Bible.  The quiet continued as I slowly browsed my blog feed and the quiet continued as I snuck upstairs to start making pancakes.  I soon heard the end to my silent morning as my 3 oldest children climbed the stairs, already bickering and calling for me.  They sat at the table and continued to talk loudly and I sighed.  The quiet was gone.  Nowhere to be found.  Sometimes I forget to appreciate this kind of noise.

Later that afternoon Zachary and I headed to therapy.  It’s always quiet when Zachary and I drive to therapy, church, or the store.  It’s quiet when I fold laundry in the afternoon.  There’s the occasional babbling and he cries when he’s hungry or tired, but otherwise it’s quiet all day.  


My heart aches and I long to talk to my 2 ½ year old.  I desperately want to hear his voice tell me what is wrong.  I want him tell me he hates his dinner, that he doesn’t want to go to bed, and to ask “why” 500 times a day.  I'd even love it if he yelled at his siblings and joined in on the noise!  But there’s nothing.

Oh Zachary, I’m hopeful for the day I hear what your voice sounds like.  I wait with anticipation for you to talk to me on the way to and from therapy, to talk so much I want you to be quiet!  But until that day I’ll pray for you through the silence, trusting God's plans in the quiet.


  1. I, too, long to hear my son's voice... he would have been 34 now. It has been 23 years since we said goodbye to a 11 year old boy. Grief comes from many sources. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

  2. Hi Jessica! My name is Cameron and I was wondering if you'd be willing to answer a quick question I have about your blog. I can be reached at cvonstjames AT gmail DOT com ! Thanks so much, I look forward to hearing from you soon. :)