Wednesday, February 5, 2014

praying through the silence

The sun was slowly rising to reveal the thick blanket of snow that had caused the school's 2 hour delay. Everyone was still sleeping and I enjoyed the longer than normal quiet morning.  I had my quiet time with a hot cup of coffee and my Bible.  The quiet continued as I slowly browsed my blog feed and the quiet continued as I snuck upstairs to start making pancakes.  I soon heard the end to my silent morning as my 3 oldest children climbed the stairs, already bickering and calling for me.  They sat at the table and continued to talk loudly and I sighed.  The quiet was gone.  Nowhere to be found.  Sometimes I forget to appreciate this kind of noise.


Later that afternoon Zachary and I headed to therapy.  It’s always quiet when Zachary and I drive to therapy, church, or the store.  It’s quiet when I fold laundry in the afternoon.  There’s the occasional babbling and he cries when he’s hungry or tired, but otherwise it’s quiet all day.  

Silent.  

My heart aches and I long to talk to my 2 ½ year old.  I desperately want to hear his voice tell me what is wrong.  I want him tell me he hates his dinner, that he doesn’t want to go to bed, and to ask “why” 500 times a day.  I'd even love it if he yelled at his siblings and joined in on the noise!  But there’s nothing.

Oh Zachary, I’m hopeful for the day I hear what your voice sounds like.  I wait with anticipation for you to talk to me on the way to and from therapy, to talk so much I want you to be quiet!  But until that day I’ll pray for you through the silence, trusting God's plans in the quiet.


2 comments:

  1. I, too, long to hear my son's voice... he would have been 34 now. It has been 23 years since we said goodbye to a 11 year old boy. Grief comes from many sources. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

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  2. Hi Jessica! My name is Cameron and I was wondering if you'd be willing to answer a quick question I have about your blog. I can be reached at cvonstjames AT gmail DOT com ! Thanks so much, I look forward to hearing from you soon. :)

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